No one wants or likes to think about possible tragic events. We'd like to pretend we'll die in our sleep at the age of 90 with all of our grandchildren and kids holding vigil at our bedside. Unfortunately, bad things happen to young people... and they're happening more often and closer to home. I'd like to share a very possible scenario to get you thinking. I'd like you to consider what you would want done if you were the patient, the spouse, or the family. Then talk with your loved ones and let everyone know what your wishes are. Post them on the fridge, shout them from the rooftop, talk about them over dinner, keep a journal, and just get the word out.
A cardiac or respiratory arrest can happen at any age, although it is more common the older you get. This means for some reason you stop breathing, your heart stops, is not beating effectively, or you stop breathing long enough to also stop your heart. Every second without blood blow causes damage to your brain. The longer you go without CPR the less likely you are to survive. Now lets imagine I go into cardiac arrest. My heart stops, I collapse, and Jesse is outside. Ten minutes pass until he finds me. He sees me down, calls 911, and starts CPR. Sounds not so bad right? I arrive at the hospital, they figure out why my heart stopped, CPR was effective, my heart started beating again, and I'm breathing on my own. But I don't wake up. A couple days pass and an EEG is performed. This measures my brain waves and gives doctors an idea of how much is going on upstairs. I am able to breathe on my own, I open my eyes and look around but don't really look AT anything, I move my arms and legs occasionally but not in any purposeful way, I don't appear able to feel pain, and I do not speak or make any sounds. The EEG shows that my brain function is significantly impaired and although I MAY make small recoveries, I will never be Damaris again. The doctor gives Jesse the news that in lay terms, I'm a vegetable.
Here's where it gets tricky. In a medical sense I am stable. I could survive in this state for a while. However, I can't eat on my own. I would require a feeding tube to provide me with food and water to stay alive... but that's pretty much all I'd need (and a good butt wiper!). The doctor tells Jesse he has a decision to make. He can give me a feeding tube to provide me with nutrition or withdraw all medical care and let nature take its course. If I am not fed I will die within a couple weeks.
Jesse has a huge decision to make. And I'm sure everyone would have a different opinion. Brandi would say Elliott would want to see her mom even if it was in this state. My Mom can't let go and thinks I respond to the sound of her voice but in reality it's just a coincidence. My Dad thinks Jesse would be starving me to death. And Jesse knows I'm gone and decides to withdraw care.
No matter what, this is a terrible situation. But because Jesse and I have talked about this, he can have confidence in his decision by knowing it was my request. Imagine the guilt and sense of responsibility if he had no clue what I would want? Sure people say, don't let me be a vegetable, but it's so much more complicated than that!
If I were to develop an infection should I get antibiotics? If I couldn't breathe on my own but my mind was intact, would I want to live on a ventilator? Would I want to be fed? Would I want a trial of nutrition to see if I get any better? Is a "trial" 2 weeks, 6 months, or 2 years? Would I want to have surgery, chemotherapy, or radiation?
Talk about these hard things. Talk about who gets to make the decision. Is it Jesse's decision alone (in my case YES for all you family members reading this) or does everyone have to agree? Below is a link to Oregon's Advanced Directive. It walks you through some of these hard questions. I strongly encourage all of you to fill this out. Don't worry about making it legal and getting it signed. Just have it somewhere. The greatest gift you can give to your family in a tragic situation is your voice when you no longer have one.
http://www.caringinfo.org/files/public/ad/Oregon.pdf
A cardiac or respiratory arrest can happen at any age, although it is more common the older you get. This means for some reason you stop breathing, your heart stops, is not beating effectively, or you stop breathing long enough to also stop your heart. Every second without blood blow causes damage to your brain. The longer you go without CPR the less likely you are to survive. Now lets imagine I go into cardiac arrest. My heart stops, I collapse, and Jesse is outside. Ten minutes pass until he finds me. He sees me down, calls 911, and starts CPR. Sounds not so bad right? I arrive at the hospital, they figure out why my heart stopped, CPR was effective, my heart started beating again, and I'm breathing on my own. But I don't wake up. A couple days pass and an EEG is performed. This measures my brain waves and gives doctors an idea of how much is going on upstairs. I am able to breathe on my own, I open my eyes and look around but don't really look AT anything, I move my arms and legs occasionally but not in any purposeful way, I don't appear able to feel pain, and I do not speak or make any sounds. The EEG shows that my brain function is significantly impaired and although I MAY make small recoveries, I will never be Damaris again. The doctor gives Jesse the news that in lay terms, I'm a vegetable.
Here's where it gets tricky. In a medical sense I am stable. I could survive in this state for a while. However, I can't eat on my own. I would require a feeding tube to provide me with food and water to stay alive... but that's pretty much all I'd need (and a good butt wiper!). The doctor tells Jesse he has a decision to make. He can give me a feeding tube to provide me with nutrition or withdraw all medical care and let nature take its course. If I am not fed I will die within a couple weeks.
Jesse has a huge decision to make. And I'm sure everyone would have a different opinion. Brandi would say Elliott would want to see her mom even if it was in this state. My Mom can't let go and thinks I respond to the sound of her voice but in reality it's just a coincidence. My Dad thinks Jesse would be starving me to death. And Jesse knows I'm gone and decides to withdraw care.
No matter what, this is a terrible situation. But because Jesse and I have talked about this, he can have confidence in his decision by knowing it was my request. Imagine the guilt and sense of responsibility if he had no clue what I would want? Sure people say, don't let me be a vegetable, but it's so much more complicated than that!
If I were to develop an infection should I get antibiotics? If I couldn't breathe on my own but my mind was intact, would I want to live on a ventilator? Would I want to be fed? Would I want a trial of nutrition to see if I get any better? Is a "trial" 2 weeks, 6 months, or 2 years? Would I want to have surgery, chemotherapy, or radiation?
Talk about these hard things. Talk about who gets to make the decision. Is it Jesse's decision alone (in my case YES for all you family members reading this) or does everyone have to agree? Below is a link to Oregon's Advanced Directive. It walks you through some of these hard questions. I strongly encourage all of you to fill this out. Don't worry about making it legal and getting it signed. Just have it somewhere. The greatest gift you can give to your family in a tragic situation is your voice when you no longer have one.
http://www.caringinfo.org/files/public/ad/Oregon.pdf
Wow, what a mature, thoughtful, and thought provoking post. Not something we all "like" to think about, but it is definitely needed. Thank you!
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