Everyone says, “They grow up so fast. Cherish this time while you can. You’re going to miss this.” I call them liars… but reasoning would tell me the odds of everyone being liars are slim. But it’s hard for me to trust them. Right now my life is a little hectic. There’s never enough coffee, my house is always a mess yet I’m always cleaning, I hate cooking meals my picky eaters wont eat, there’s ALWAYS pee everywhere in the bathroom (boys are the worst), the days are long when Jesse works 24 hour shifts, and some days it feels like my anxiety is in control over my life instead of me.
Usually I cope well with my Bishop Circus, but recently I’ve been struggling. I can’t concentrate on the kids, my thoughts run wild and repetitively, my hands are restless and destructive on my skin, my temper is short, and the things that should be pleasurable are blahh. I find myself counting down the minutes until naptime when I can crash into bed. Then counting down until bedtime when I can be as lazy as possible and binge watch my smut TV pick of the week.
It doesn’t help that Jesse’s main focus right now has been studying for a promotion to engineer at work. Sometimes I feel like a single mom with a roommate. But HOORAY!! He has taken his test and we have Daddy back. We should find out soon if he tested well enough to get promoted. This would mean a significant increase in his job satisfaction and more sleep while on shift. Which means a happier family-!
I’m not sure when the switch was made from wading to sinking but I’m reaching out for life vests. I’ve started talking with someone, focusing on changing my anxious thought patterns, decreasing bad habits, and taking more time for myself. The next thing to check off the list is getting back to the gym. I fantasize about throwing some heavy weight around and soaking the floor in sweat. I need my outlet back. I used to say if I didn’t have Crossfit I’d go crazy… turns out I was right.
I’m hoping with these tools I can get back to myself soon and be the best mom to my children (and wife). I continue to focus on the positive even when it’s hard. On my Punkin Elliott who is creative, artistic, strong willed, and well mannered. My sweet Easton who is wild, with the attention span of 5 seconds, and is the MOST kind-hearted boy I’ve ever met. Then there’s Owen who is still trying to figure out where he belongs in the mix just happily running around in his undies. I’m amazed by how quickly he’s learning new vocabulary and his comprehension increase daily. But sometimes no matter how hard I try I have hard days.
In my last session I was given the task of finding something that brings me satisfaction to snap me out of bad habits. I was struggling to think of something easily accessible and practical with three little ones running around. Then my photographer posted a promotional deal where I could get a free video with a Daily Life Photo Shoot. It had been in the back of my mind for a while but I was worried about spending that much money in the midst of remodeling and upcoming holidays. But serendipitously my bathroom vanity didn’t get ordered so I could use that allocated money.
So I decided to make the video and capture our precious memories for hard days. Because as hard as it can be, being a mom is what makes me most satisfied. I want to be able to remove myself from the stress and just watch them be kids. Climbing on the counter to talk to birds, spilling their milk just about every meal, fighting over toys, rummaging through the fridge, peeing on the floor, jumping on the furniture, terrorizing the kitten, and making messes everywhere they go. I know all these things that drive me crazy are the things that make them happy kids. And I desperately want to remember their childhood happily.
And the day Tiffany came to my house was a happy day! The kids were near perfect, we played, eat, slept, and I felt connected and in the moment. And there she was to capture it all. I could cry at the thought of them watching this video with their own children. You may notice Jesse isn’t in the video. I felt it’d be more therapeutic if it captured my struggles through motherhood when I’m alone. Family days have been few and far between lately. I am sad now I went that route but I still think it was the right choice. I couldn’t be happier with my decision to make this video.
Now let me put in a plug for my photographer. She’s been with us for FIVE YEARS. Her business is Nine29Photography and there’s a reason we haven’t used anyone else. There was a really special moment when Tiffany was photographing them as they were looking at the pictures she took of them as babies. She was at our house for 4 hours and made us feel so comfortable. We went about our day as usual and the kids were able to be themselves. If you’re thinking about doing this style of shoot I would strongly encourage you to contact her! We have over 500 prints from the day and this amazing video… which is priceless.