Everyone says, “They grow up so
fast. Cherish this time while you can. You’re going to miss this.” I call them
liars… but reasoning would tell me the odds of everyone being liars are slim.
But it’s hard for me to trust them. Right now my life is a little hectic.
There’s never enough coffee, my house is always a mess yet I’m always cleaning,
I hate cooking meals my picky eaters wont eat, there’s ALWAYS pee everywhere in
the bathroom (boys are the worst), the days are long when Jesse works 24 hour
shifts, and some days it feels like my anxiety is in control over my life
instead of me.
Usually I cope well with my Bishop
Circus, but recently I’ve been struggling.
I can’t concentrate on the kids, my thoughts run wild and repetitively,
my hands are restless and destructive on my skin, my temper is short, and the
things that should be pleasurable are blahh. I find myself counting down the
minutes until naptime when I can crash into bed. Then counting down until
bedtime when I can be as lazy as possible and binge watch my smut TV pick of
the week.
It doesn’t help that Jesse’s main
focus right now has been studying for a promotion to engineer at work.
Sometimes I feel like a single mom with a roommate. But HOORAY!! He has taken
his test and we have Daddy back. We should find out soon if he tested well
enough to get promoted. This would mean a significant increase in his job
satisfaction and more sleep while on shift. Which means a happier family-!
I’m not sure when the switch was
made from wading to sinking but I’m reaching out for life vests. I’ve started
talking with someone, focusing on changing my anxious thought patterns,
decreasing bad habits, and taking more time for myself. The next thing to check
off the list is getting back to the gym. I fantasize about throwing some heavy
weight around and soaking the floor in sweat. I need my outlet back. I used to
say if I didn’t have Crossfit I’d go crazy… turns out I was right.
I’m hoping with these tools I can
get back to myself soon and be the best mom to my children (and wife). I
continue to focus on the positive even when it’s hard. On my Punkin Elliott who
is creative, artistic, strong willed, and well mannered. My sweet Easton who is
wild, with the attention span of 5 seconds, and is the MOST kind-hearted boy
I’ve ever met. Then there’s Owen who is still trying to figure out where he
belongs in the mix just happily running around in his undies. I’m amazed by how
quickly he’s learning new vocabulary and his comprehension increase daily. But sometimes no matter how hard I try I have
hard days.
In my last
session I was given the task of finding something that brings me satisfaction to
snap me out of bad habits. I was struggling to think of something easily
accessible and practical with three little ones running around. Then my photographer
posted a promotional deal where I could get a free video with a Daily Life
Photo Shoot. It had been in the back of my mind for a while but I was worried
about spending that much money in the midst of remodeling and upcoming
holidays. But serendipitously my bathroom vanity didn’t get ordered so I could
use that allocated money.
So I decided to make the video and
capture our precious memories for hard days. Because as hard as it can be,
being a mom is what makes me most satisfied. I want to be able to remove myself
from the stress and just watch them be kids. Climbing on the counter to talk to
birds, spilling their milk just about every meal, fighting over toys, rummaging
through the fridge, peeing on the floor, jumping on the furniture, terrorizing
the kitten, and making messes everywhere they go. I know all these things that
drive me crazy are the things that make them happy kids. And I desperately want
to remember their childhood happily.
And the day Tiffany came to my
house was a happy day! The kids were near perfect, we played, eat, slept, and I
felt connected and in the moment. And there she was to capture it all. I could
cry at the thought of them watching this video with their own children. You may
notice Jesse isn’t in the video. I felt it’d be more therapeutic if it captured
my struggles through motherhood when I’m alone. Family days have been few and
far between lately. I am sad now I went that route but I still think it was the
right choice. I couldn’t be happier with my decision to make this video.
Now let me put in a plug for my
photographer. She’s been with us for FIVE YEARS. Her business is
Nine29Photography and there’s a reason we haven’t used anyone else. There was a
really special moment when Tiffany was photographing them as they were looking
at the pictures she took of them as babies. She was at our house for 4 hours
and made us feel so comfortable. We went about our day as usual and the kids
were able to be themselves. If you’re thinking about doing this style of shoot
I would strongly encourage you to contact her! We have over 500 prints from the
day and this amazing video… which is priceless.
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