Dear family and friends,
We are so blessed by the great number of people that care for us! We were so excited to share the news of our pregnancy… 40 phone calls later we were a little worn out. Well now we have additional news; and this time we don’t have the strength to tell each one of you individually.
Two days ago at the hospital I tried to get a sneak peak of the twins using an ultrasound machine. Unfortunately I could only find one; one jumping perfect little baby. I immediately called my doctor’s office and told them I suspected one of our twins was vanishing. My doctor warned us during our first appointment that about 20% of twin pregnancies are reduced to one. Because I was not bleeding or cramping, my doctor couldn’t justify an emergency ultrasound and no other appointments were open. I was pretty sure of what I’d seen but we had to have complete closure. We would have had to wonder for a whole week, holding on to the slight glimpse of hope. Luckily my dear friend is an ultrasound tech and offered to take a look for me.
I worked through all the pros and cons trying to come to terms with this…
We are so blessed by the great number of people that care for us! We were so excited to share the news of our pregnancy… 40 phone calls later we were a little worn out. Well now we have additional news; and this time we don’t have the strength to tell each one of you individually.
Two days ago at the hospital I tried to get a sneak peak of the twins using an ultrasound machine. Unfortunately I could only find one; one jumping perfect little baby. I immediately called my doctor’s office and told them I suspected one of our twins was vanishing. My doctor warned us during our first appointment that about 20% of twin pregnancies are reduced to one. Because I was not bleeding or cramping, my doctor couldn’t justify an emergency ultrasound and no other appointments were open. I was pretty sure of what I’d seen but we had to have complete closure. We would have had to wonder for a whole week, holding on to the slight glimpse of hope. Luckily my dear friend is an ultrasound tech and offered to take a look for me.
She confirmed our fears and in fact one of our babies did not make it. It most likely passed away shortly after our first ultrasound. My body will eventually absorb most of the gestational sac and the baby. The other baby is cute as ever and perfectly healthy. We got about 10 minutes of precious ultrasound video and lots of pictures. When looking at the screen watching our remaining miracle, I couldn’t find the tears over the lost baby.
But the tears came. We were so excited for twins, and I know you all were too! We had envisioned our new family of four and all the joy and trials that come along with twins. The plans we’d made are gone… and we’re working on envisioning our new plans for our family of 3. I’m working on forgiving myself for being so sad despite the fact we still have one healthy baby. Don’t feel badly if you’re sad, IT IS sad. Don't feel badly if you're not sad... IT IS good too.
I worked through all the pros and cons trying to come to terms with this…
Pros:
- No bed rest needed
- Our remaining baby will be able to cook to full term and have all the room it needs
- Half the amount of money in baby supplies
- We don’t have to worry about moving before it gets here
- I’m not afraid to apply for jobs and expect to be back to work sooner after the baby is born
- Less weight gain (what woman would complain about that one)
- Less chance of a C-section
- We lost a baby
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