Before deciding to have children, Jesse and I were very aware of the huge life change we would encounter. Once the sperm and egg meet, there's no turning back. That embryo will develop into a child you must legally take care of for at least 18 years. Despite the fear this evoked, we were ready. Before we were even married we knew we wanted kids... and lots of them. I remember my sisters having kids and catching the loving look in Jesse's eyes when they would play. It melted my heart. Sometimes he'd look over at me and say, "I want one." And I wanted one too. But those darn rules. I guess we should probably get married first. Oh, then we might want to get jobs. Perhaps we should also finish school and buy a house. (We cheated on those last two requirements)
I clearly remember the day we decided to start trying. I was counting down the months until I finished nursing school. I think I only had six months to go. Jesse had just been hired on with the Eugene Fire Department and we would gratuate at the same time. "Uh Babe!" I said, realizing what that meant. "If I get pregnant right now, I would be done with school and you would have a steady income. It would even give me 3 months to find a job."
"Let's do it," he said (literally).
I quickly made an appointment to get my IUD removed and 3 months later, I was starring at 2 pink lines at 5am while getting ready for school. And just like we already knew, there was no turning back.
Elliott is now 3 months old. Since her arrival we have encountered a huge life change, just as we expected. But oddly, it's not the responsibility of caring for her that has changed our lives. I thought I would miss sleeping in until noon, sleeping through the night, staying out karaoking until 2am, and having lazy days watching re-runs of Grey's Anatomy. I thought that was the whole big life change about to happen.
But I don't miss any of those things (and still do some of them). Instead the life change has been the responsibility to raise a child. She depends on us for nourishment, safety, warmth, love, and security. We, her parents, are responsible in teaching her about the world. It's hard to explain but she's completely dependent on us, and how we fill those needs will shape who she becomes. We are literally responsible for a life. And a life that we made, no less.
I would go on... but the baby needs me.
I clearly remember the day we decided to start trying. I was counting down the months until I finished nursing school. I think I only had six months to go. Jesse had just been hired on with the Eugene Fire Department and we would gratuate at the same time. "Uh Babe!" I said, realizing what that meant. "If I get pregnant right now, I would be done with school and you would have a steady income. It would even give me 3 months to find a job."
"Let's do it," he said (literally).
I quickly made an appointment to get my IUD removed and 3 months later, I was starring at 2 pink lines at 5am while getting ready for school. And just like we already knew, there was no turning back.
Elliott is now 3 months old. Since her arrival we have encountered a huge life change, just as we expected. But oddly, it's not the responsibility of caring for her that has changed our lives. I thought I would miss sleeping in until noon, sleeping through the night, staying out karaoking until 2am, and having lazy days watching re-runs of Grey's Anatomy. I thought that was the whole big life change about to happen.
But I don't miss any of those things (and still do some of them). Instead the life change has been the responsibility to raise a child. She depends on us for nourishment, safety, warmth, love, and security. We, her parents, are responsible in teaching her about the world. It's hard to explain but she's completely dependent on us, and how we fill those needs will shape who she becomes. We are literally responsible for a life. And a life that we made, no less.
I would go on... but the baby needs me.
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